#shit people say:
“If i were into women, i would definitely fuck her/you.”
Please stop saying this. Do you want to know why? Maybe you have heard people say it as well, but it didn’t offend you. Maybe you even said it yourself once. Then please, read along. I will explain my kindly demand based on several occasions in which i heard somebody say this. Disclaimer: those people were of all kinds of gender and sexual orientation.
This one is not very hard to explain. You are assuming the person you would want to fuck is a woman. Would it be different if they had a penis, though? (just asking)
- It is abusive language and objectifying.
You can not just decide who you are gonna fuck, without the other person wanting this too. This is called consent, and this sentence assumes so little of it that i think we could call it abusive language.
Also, by saying this, you are making an object of the person you are talking about. I am not even gonna explain this point.
- It is mostly based on beauty standards. (and therefore objectifying again, but i already used this argument)
This has to do with why i chose to use ‘women’ and not ‘men’ or both. Like i stated before, i heard people of all different kinds of gender and sexual preference say this, but all of them were talking about women. It probably has been said about men as well, but i think there’s something different going on then, which has to do with beauty standards.
If you are not attracted to a certain gender, in this case women, ask yourself: why is that? And doesn’t this label come with the condition of wanting to fuck only a part of the gender spectrum, which is not women? So why would you assume something that far outside of your world of sexual fantasy? And why would this person then all of a sudden cover your needs? I think it has to do with standards of what is ‘fuckable’, set by media, mostly. Of course women are very much framed into a certain beauty standard, so if they can live up to this, they must be fuckable. You have to be very strong and willing to resist the standards of which woman is fuckable set by media, hollywood, and everything else they call capitalism. Those sources forced upon us also determine what is fucking, look at point 4.
Also: http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/01/women-pressured-sexy-punished-sexual/ and https://theunpracticalscheme.wordpress.com/2014/04/16/sex-feminism-and-the-fuckable-woman/
Example: gay boys who are in denial and try to be with women mostly fall for the tiny, pretty, classy girls. This is totally suitable for the picture perfect they are trying to uphold, and less of a threat than the rebels with a strong opinion or the deviant bodies amongst females. When they come out and are comfortable with their sexuality they usually don’t have a problem anymore with the latter categories, on the contrary.
- It is fucking binary.
And i use the verb ‘fucking’ here on purpose. Fucking binary, i could write an essay about it, but i want to get to my last point, so let me put this as shortly as possible by just asking a lot of questions: fucking is not easily defined. What is fucking? Is fucking something you do when you are horny? Or can you do it without being horny as well? Is fucking when you are both naked? Or can you fuck with your clothes on? Does fucking mean (a form of) penetration? Do you kiss when you fuck? Does fucking always involve genitalia? And when they are involved, is it always called fucking then?
Please define ‘fucking’, because i couldn’t, and wouldn’t.
What i do know is when i did fuck. In retrospect. It just felt like we fucked. I wouldn’t know why and what was it that made this fucking, but i know we did. What i also know is that when i am intimate with a person i never thought of as ‘fuckable’, it can suddenly change. Or even when we are not intimate, and something just happens and i see them in a different light all of a sudden. Or when i am just aroused or excited by the situation and we are all willing to go for it.
I believe there are fuckable moments, not people.
- It hurts.
I am a fag with a cunt, and it hurts if gay men tell me they would fuck me if they were into women, or if i were a man. It hurts because i feel like a forever lonely queer when they tell me this, and also because of all the things i mentioned earlier. And mostly because i know i am not a woman, not in daily life, but certainly not when i fuck.
Please queer the fuck up, my friends!
Thanks for reading this, it’s appreciated.